Label Yourself First

Before you apply any label to any person check it against yourself first.  Especially if the label is more negative than positive.

Labels cause numerous problems in life.  We are given one from the day we are born and it relates to our sex.  Male or female.  It is a label that holds certain expectations and stereotypes.  Society expects us to complete the requirements to be that particular label and if we step outside of the label box we can be viewed negatively.

While this label is relatively harmless, for some it doesn’t represent who they are.  Labels are societies way of creating order, but many labels hurtful rather than helpful.

As you are moving through a relationship you will label it’s stages…honeymoon, settling in, maturing, declining, whatever they may be.  You label your partner as boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, fiancé, husband, etc.  These all indicate certain societal expectations, and these will change depending on your generation.

If you are looking to call someone stubborn ask yourself first why you think they are stubborn.  You may be surprised to see that you are also stubborn.  Not wanting to change something changeable is a representation of being stubborn, now there are times when standing up for what you believe is necessary, but if it happens all the time….well….you might be stubborn and might want to consider how you use that label on others who might just be trying to get you to try new things.

Ultimately when you are in a relationship you need to hold common definitions of each label you apply to your partner.  This goes a long way to defusing situations that get out of control when you label your partner and they don’t understand your true meaning.

This holds true in any relationship, working or romantic. Especially these days with so many new labels being used for people you really need to make sure you aren’t imposing labels on others that they aren’t ready or don’t want to take on. We don’t always know someone’s full story, their truth.

Labels can be seen as judgements on another person. In fact, many labels are judgements and depending on your social circles can hold negative implications. I think that society would be a better place as we would accept each other for how we show up, without the labels and judgements associated. It’s something that I have been working on for a few years and find that my relationships are better for not labeling someone before they tell me what their label is, and sometimes helping them adjust their own thinking to accept a better label.

We label ourselves with our own self talk and those labels that have been given to us by others. My most hated one is “white”. While my skin color is white and my ancestors are of European decent, they also faced their traumas in history. To label me as a “white” majority indicates that my ancestors perpetrated crimes on others. I don’t dispute that this could be true, but their truth is different from the “white” truth.

I am a second generation Canadian from my mother’s side. Her ancestors, my great-family, fled Europe and oppression in the 1920s. My grandmother was a toddler when they came across from Russia (Poland). While they didn’t necessarily do anything to stop whatever was happening in Canada to others, how can you fault them when they had just fled similar oppression and were just trying to re-establish themselves in their own survival.

Labels aren’t our truth, nor a reflection of our understanding of the world and our own power in it. So check how you label others as you might be judging them in ways they don’t deserve and that you wouldn’t appreciate if the reverse occurred.