Anxiety Overload

There has been a lot of anxiety around our house over the last 6 weeks. The children went back to school – virtually – which means mom is both teacher, coach and all of my other duties. The whole start of the HUB Online School was a mess which created a lot of anxiety. We didn’t know who was actually teaching the kids until the 14th of September. Yet, we had been contacted prior to the 1st of September by other teachers saying they would be teaching my kids. I was really happy with the 1st of September message, not so much after that.

Neither of my children are being taught by teachers from their school. Seth only has one other student in his class that is from his school, but at least he went to Kindergarten with that person and it was someone he was friends with. Dax has a few kids from his grade, but none of them are people that he hung out with. He is feeling exceptionally isolated from his friends right now and I am crossing my fingers things stabilize so that he can go back in February.

While we have been figuring things out with the HUB Online School it’s been a bit of a challenge. The CBE seems to have an expectation that students participating in HUB school have a parent at home that isn’t working and can act as a learning coach/tutor at all times. While I am happy to help Seth get his work done, I also

However, we are now hearing about some of his friends siblings (step siblings) testing positive for COVID-19 so I am not sure that this will happen seeing that we haven’t really seen if there is school transmission yet, and Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up very very quickly. We are still being very cautious about indoor gatherings and Dave has been limiting his exposure to people to only family, and maybe those at the shooting centre.

Dave has been using shooting as a way to get out of the house and do something different. It’s been good for him, but also wears him out and he likes to take on more than he should. We are working on that, but it’s exceptionally hard to go from being capable of doing anything you wanted to not being able to do a quarter of what you want or were able to do before.

Frustration over not being able to walk well, do things with his hands or help out finishing our kitchen renovation – which seems to have a mind of it’s own, is a large part of the day and creates a bit of a depressive state where motivation is exceptionally low.

Do you know how hard it is to motivate your husband to do something that’s good for them?

Something about only wanting love and not hard truths from the person you share a bed with makes stubborn men more stubborn. I am not saying I wouldn’t be in the same place, which means I understand, but it’s still bloody frustrating.

We’ve enjoyed the end of our summer holiday spending some time with the other side of the family that we don’t see much. Overdoing the eating and not getting enough rest, however did cause a few additional issues in Dave’s continued journey. We have started to see breakthrough seizures happening about once a week to two weeks. These are mild and don’t last very long, but they still indicate something isn’t quite right in his brain.

Additionally, our 4 year kitchen renovation is progressing. There ended up being a bit more work than just changing out the cabinets. Stupid old, weird electrical. Our house was built in the 70s and while some things are great, electrical isn’t. On a positive note, I don’t have anymore leaks in my bathroom. Apparently, caulking needs to be redone every so often. Drippy faucets have also been replaced and will be easier to fix next time too.

We are currently eating out of the basement kitchen, yep thank goodness for that, while we repair walls, paint (need more paint) and prepare the walls and area to have the new cabinets hung. Soon, very soon.

We are currently eating out of the basement kitchen, yep thank goodness for that, while we repair walls, paint (need more paint) and prepare the walls and area to have the new cabinets hung. Soon, very soon. Just need my helpers to not get sick. Cold and flu season sucks.

October 6 was our oncology appointment for this 6 week cycle and it created much more anxiety than other ones have. We had seen a bit more troubles with Dave and mobility, his speech seemed to be getting worse and he was complaining of reduced dexterity in his right hand. This made my anxiety and his escalate a bit as those are the areas where the tumor has been and was a really good indicator that there was more growth.

The MRI was done on September 23, so we had to wait almost two weeks for the results, which of course escalated the anxiety.

BUT the result wasn’t as bad as we had been feeling it would be. The oncologist indicated that the MRI showed results of a relatively stable situation within Dave’s brain. There was mild growth towards the movement portion of his brain, but nothing that was seen as so concerning that we needed to change the treatment plan. As this Chemotherapy (Lomustine) is different and has a 6 week cycle rather than a 4 week cycle and there was a two week gap between Dave’s first round and second round a third is needed to determine if it is working as intended or not.

The oncologist indicated that the MRI showed results of a relatively stable situation within Dave’s brain. There was mild growth towards the movement portion of his brain, but nothing that was seen as so concerning that we needed to change the treatment plan.

As it appears to have slowed the growth considerably our Oncologist is wanting to try again to see if it continues to make a difference in the speed of growth of the tumor.

While this wasn’t the best news, it certainly was better than the news we received in July. Stability is still a win, even stability with mild growth is more of a win than hearing that there is substantial growth. This does however, start to bring forward the conversations that we will need to have if we do receive a more negative report from doctors. Oh the things you don’t expect to ever talk about in your 40s.

We are trying to remain positive and appreciate the support from family and friends. Prayers, positive thoughts, well wishes, etc. are always welcome. Help is also welcome in any form, message me if you have something specific in mind, I already have someone who does my laundry.