Christmas 2020 was very different from previous Christmas’s. COVID-19 restrictions required that we not get together in groups, not inside or outside. Dave’s continued health decline created it’s own challenges in moving both inside and outside of the house.
Good thing that we were able to move back into the upstairs kitchen, which seemed to help certain things, but caused others to decline due to no more stair exercises every day to get to food and then back to bed.
In November Dave started a new Chemotherapy that was a daily pill as the previous one had stopped working or wasn’t effective. At the start of the new treatment things seemed to be going well. However, just before Christmas Dave’s energy level dropped drastically and his mobility became more impaired. After an appointment with our medical team it was determined that there was swelling/irritation in his brain so an increase in the steroid was done. This improved things quickly and Dave got back some of his energy and motivation to do more things to keep strong.
However, the continued loss of functionality has really hit Dave’s pride and ego. It’s hard when you have been self sufficient for so long and now need help with everything. Especially as a male who is expected to be able to do what is needed to support the family, maintain the household, and be strong. To now be weak and need constant help…it’s a lot for a young person.
While our Christmas was a bit quieter than pervious years we still were able to get together with our family that has been helping with the renovations. We took advantage of good days and made sure to visit and enjoy each others company. We did a few virtual visits with those we weren’t able to meet with or who are just too far away.
The hard part about this Christmas was the shopping, or lack of shopping. With Dave not being on technology much or interested in leading shopping with the kids the presents for the adults were sparse, and only what I had done on a more practical side. Many things showed up late too as deliveries were delayed for many reasons.
The best part for me was the snow. It was so nice to have a white Christmas, but at the same time hard when we got 1.5′ of snow in less than 24 hours. Shoveling took a long time. Glad for so many people to help out and our neighbors who have snow blowers, though there was too much snow for even that.
With Dave’s health decline things have been getting harder to manage as depression, anxiety and anger come up regularly. Not many people want to die, but this is what Dave is facing now that treatments don’t appear to be working as intended. It’s a rough place to be as depression saps motivation to maintain or improve your condition.
Laying on your back on the couch everyday isn’t going to maintain or build back muscles that have been lost. In fact, they will go away faster. Not talking to people doesn’t help to rewire the brain to think and process information. If you don’t use a skill it decreases in its efficiency. Part of the reason the elderly have difficulties talking is that they don’t use the skill enough so the ability to speak decreases. This is also related to the ability to think and process information.
It’s been hard because I can’t spend every one of Dave’s waking moments talking to him. We have other responsibilities, but also there is only so much that you can talk about before you start repeating stories.
His hobbies were technical or physical, so he can’t do them anymore. He doesn’t talk well so doesn’t want to talk to anyone because he has such a hard time finding words, or getting his message across. It’s a circle of challenge, and I can’t fix it so it’s hard for me who is a fixer.
Unfortunately, we aren’t seeing that things will be improving, but will know more in the next few days.
We did enjoy Christmas and we will enjoy the next events too, until there aren’t any more to share with Dave.
The Adams-Schlag Family 