It still doesn’t seem real that Dave is gone. The kids and I still have conversations that it just feels like he has been out a work a long time. Though this past few days with the truck in the shop Dax feels the loss a bit more. Dave’s truck has been sitting infront of the house for over a year and not moving much so it currently feels empty without it.
Life continues to move forward as time doesn’t stop even though we have grief and trauma. The world keeps going and people keep moving. We pause when we need to regroup, but keep doing things that bring us joy even though there would be more joy if Dave was still here.
We took our first trip out to Gull Lake for Canada Day and while I was very apprehensive it was a good visit. We spent a couple of days at the beach with the last day we were there being the longest which resulted in sunburns for most of us. Dax dehydrated himself by not drinking enough water and ended up with heat rash, sunburn and felt horrible the next day. Took him a few days to fully recover. The only down side to the trip was the pollen. It was so high that both kids and myself had to take antihistamine, which I have never had to do with the kids before. Seth still hasn’t fully recovered and has a cough that won’t leave as a result. It was still a good time with family.
Dave would be very proud of Seth for figuring out that it’s not scary to ride his bike, but would be completely stuck in the “I told you so” moment too. I took the bikes out of the attic in the garage just a few days ago when my dad was here and Seth just grabbed his helmet and took off. No help required, no training wheels, nothing, just got on a rode. I had to go track him down to congratulate him on this as he didn’t want me to bring the bikes down because “I don’t know how to ride my bike.” He showed himself and now it’s hard to get him off his bike.
Dax keeps growing so we have to keep buying him new bikes, which I was lucky to be able to get. Put that together on my own yesterday and now he is very happy and grateful for his new bike. Can’t seem to keep him off it either, but need to get him a new helmet as he keeps growing out of things. Shoes and clothes will be next as he has cracked the 5′ marker and will be taller than me in couple of years. He is already outgrowing my shoes.
Life just continues, we can’t stop it even though we are sad that we can’t share it with our partner anymore. Today is one of those days that I am wishing I could talk to him. Wishing that he could respond when I do and tell me how proud of the kids he is, or share in the things we are going to be doing. I am feeling a bit lonely today as I don’t have that same outlet anymore, and so I have been talking more to my mom, which I am sure she enjoys, but it’s not quite the same.
I also really enjoyed spending a few days with my dad when he came down. This kids suddenly were on their best behaviour and we had a really enjoyable time. He helped put up some peg board in Dax’s room which completely finished the space. Dax can now display his nerf guns and set up his room as a bunker with his weapons. Not that he spends much time in it as he is most likely to be found on his computer these days. Minecraft and Apex Legends are his two games currently. Fortnite Died!
I have loaded up SWTOR again, which has been a bit hard to go back to with how much Dave and I played when that was our game of choice. Also the game play is so different from what we have/had been playing it took a bit to get back into it. It’s still a fun game and something that will be used to fill time until Lost Ark comes out, though beta testing and such will take some of that time. I do miss some of my gaming people though as this last 6 months has been hard on a lot of people and some have turtled trying not to add to the trauma that I am already facing…QUIT IT! It’s easier to share grief than house it entirely yourself.
Today, the kids are playing in trees and water and grass and being outside before it gets to incredibly hot as we have had a very warm summer so far. Seth climbed up higher than I though he would. While it has been very hot I am enjoying that we can get outside a lot as it’s nice to be away from inside and able to have the kids run and explore new spaces. Our next adventure might be paddle boats on Friday or a hike, not sure which as it’s supposed to be really warm again.
Stampede is on this week. NO we are not going. YES I have been fully vaccinated. Still not going, but maybe tonight I might find someplace so that the kids can watch the fireworks, though that is way past bedtimes. Even mine.
Next big thing is replacing two cars with one. Ordered a Ford F150 which will be here when it gets here due to challenges getting computer parts, etc. for those vehicles. I don’t need two, but want to be able to tow a trailer when we get one, likely next year. We had some things in place in case of instances like we are in, not that we ever expected to use them in this way, which allows us to be in a good place. It’s been a sad few months and we have another hard part coming as we do our first trip north without Dave.
While we are up North we will be having a small memorial for him and completing a request he made when we talked about what he wanted after death. It will be just family from the area who will attend at that time. Another opportunity will be happening later in the summer closer to home, but will be different as the people involved are different. I now understand why people do services through the funeral home rather than organzing something themselves. Had covid restrictions not been so severe I might have considered something different, but you know hindsight. Certainly will be something I will speak to my kids about when we are closer to that for myself.
We are still thriving as a family, just short one. While we have our sad moments, we are able to keep moving forward, even when it’s sad.
The Adams-Schlag Family 