The Move

Today, March 30, 2021, turns another page in Dave’s cancer journey. We are nearing the end of this rollercoaster. Emotions have been all over the place as Dave slips further from us and the cancer takes its toll.

I decided over the weekend that the move to hospice care was necessary for the continued well being of our children, myself and Dave. He needs more support than I can provide. While we can bring those supports into our home, I decided that it is better to move him to where those supports are more readily available and can adapt faster than they could in our home.

Additionally, the disruption to the kids schedules for learning and our ability to get out of the grief for periods of time was important too. The amount of time I have to split my focus between caring for Dave and the kids is becoming far more challenging than I can manage. Having Dave somewhere that I know he is being cared for is something that I need and then I can focus on the kids.

It has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. The number of people that need to be considered in the decision made it a bit staggering as we would all do something different depending on our own life history, beliefs and personal desires. Again, please have these conversations with your loved ones. The decisions only get harder as you go.

He moved to Rosedale Hospice on Tuesday March 30, 2021 in the morning. It is a lovely place. His room has a wonderful view and is very cozy, feels a bit like home. The kids have drawn pictures for him and put them on the wall. The nurses and caregivers are wonderful and have ensured that he has what he needs and is cared for.

It is a relief in a way that I am no longer his caregiver. I can now be his wife again and focus on caring for our children, because he is cared for. Yes, I will continue to monitor that things are being done well, but it’s no longer my sole responsiblity. Coming home that night to an exceptionally quiet house was hard, but not. The kids took a bit to realize that they wouldn’t get told to be quiet because their dad was sleeping and proceeded to make as much noise as they could.

Dave has settled in well at the hospice and is relaxed, comfortable and seems content. He is eatting a bit more than he was at home, but that ebs and flows from each day. They have more tricks than we did to make him comfortable, which is good. While we were able to do everything at home, this is just better as the kids now can express their emotions at home more, which apparently Seth needed as he had a meltdown yesterday (it was more than just what’s happening with his dad, it had been building for a while). I wouldn’t have dealt with it the same way I did had Dave still been at home, nor do I think Seth would have let it out in the same way. Apparently I wasn’t letting him have fun.

Both boys have made comments about the house feeling better since the move. Seth is happy I am back down in the office and has told me so. It doesn’t feel like we are all holding our breath, waiting for the next bad thing to happen that we may or maynot be able to take care of. The worry that we would need to call medical people and wait is far less as now he is in their very capable hands.

Thank you all for the support. I will continue to update as things progress. It isn’t over yet, but we are entering the final chapter. I just don’t know how long it will be.